For a change, I'm beginning to like Christmas again. I thought I'm gonna like the holidays just as I used to like it when I was a kid. I thought everything was going well already--dad back in the Phil, new start, new and more friends, good bond with extended family and so on. I thought I'm gonna make a change, be happy and satisfied. But no, one wrong move had messed everything up. One move that I knew that should have never happened. If there is one thing I'd want for Christmas, that would be taking away the pain I had inflicted on many people. I'm really sorry, and I'm pretty much bummed with what I did. I also thought all this drama would end cause I'm starting anew, I guess life just really have ways getting back at me.
I'm quite disappointed about myself and the decisions I've made looking back since the start of 2007. But seriously, I don't regret the things I've done. Some bad nights had brought me good mornings and I'm still thankful for that. Since there is nothing I can do to change those, there is also no point for me fretting and wallowing over it. Coming from a real drunkard, "drunken nights wouldn't change anything, but it was fun, and one of the best" - fun that we're all looking for. The temporary happiness that could only bring me laughter but not the genuine smile or happiness that's gonna stay with me forever.
Hearsays and the actual happenings are beginning to contradict the happenings in between us. They tell me this, you show me that - confusing that I don't know who to believe. I've let things happened for so many reasons, I left everything up to chance and fate and I relied on it for some time already. I should say its not worth trusting. There is no one and nothing that I could trust but myself alone. I was happy for more than a time even if I'm by myself and I could still go on if I choose to. Getting drunk once over someone is enough. Who ever said alcohol can't cure matters of the heart? Or shall I say, matters of the mind? Well sometimes it does, and I'm thankful it did me good. Good enough to forget the bitter and anticipate the sweet ones. I've kept my expectations low and I'm sticking to the earth. After all, this is not heaven.
While I was being Mr. Brightside, keeping things in proportion and really optimistic, I realize that somehow I'm just flattering myself. This ain't over, and I'm still wishing for the good mornings to bid "Hello, sunshine."
Right now, I feel like a real LOSER, but this is not the end. I am so gonna fight and pop that bubble of... I am so getting ready for this game and I am sticking it up, all for me baby. Ha.
**********
I'm quite disappointed about myself and the decisions I've made looking back since the start of 2007. But seriously, I don't regret the things I've done. Some bad nights had brought me good mornings and I'm still thankful for that. Since there is nothing I can do to change those, there is also no point for me fretting and wallowing over it. Coming from a real drunkard, "drunken nights wouldn't change anything, but it was fun, and one of the best" - fun that we're all looking for. The temporary happiness that could only bring me laughter but not the genuine smile or happiness that's gonna stay with me forever.
Hearsays and the actual happenings are beginning to contradict the happenings in between us. They tell me this, you show me that - confusing that I don't know who to believe. I've let things happened for so many reasons, I left everything up to chance and fate and I relied on it for some time already. I should say its not worth trusting. There is no one and nothing that I could trust but myself alone. I was happy for more than a time even if I'm by myself and I could still go on if I choose to. Getting drunk once over someone is enough. Who ever said alcohol can't cure matters of the heart? Or shall I say, matters of the mind? Well sometimes it does, and I'm thankful it did me good. Good enough to forget the bitter and anticipate the sweet ones. I've kept my expectations low and I'm sticking to the earth. After all, this is not heaven.
While I was being Mr. Brightside, keeping things in proportion and really optimistic, I realize that somehow I'm just flattering myself. This ain't over, and I'm still wishing for the good mornings to bid "Hello, sunshine."
Right now, I feel like a real LOSER, but this is not the end. I am so gonna fight and pop that bubble of... I am so getting ready for this game and I am sticking it up, all for me baby. Ha.
**********
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