Kill Me Now

Later last month my mom broke the news about us leaving the country again, our visas will be released soon, like April? Wow mother, just kill me now. Also last year she said the same thing about us leaving already, by 3 months, 6 months, and a year passed - I'm still here! Will we still leave the country?!

Hey mom, that's good news for you, you can start your new career. As for me I really don't know what's out there for me, aside from school (which I still don't know if I would wanna study there). She just said be prepared well I'm always prepared ever since you told me about it a year ago. I don't want to hold things back just because of my personal issues, like friends, family and the boyfriend.

Looking at the bright side, I can see my friends there, hopefully finish a short course on whatever (and how I wish, a job so I can go back here soon enough), and love the beaches of Florida. And the downside, there is just so much I don't wanna mention it anymore cause that's just gonna pull me back, I'm supposed to be attracting the positive vibes. Though I still think it will not be next month, well whatever happens happens, just to get over with it.

This has been bugging me for nights and days already leaving me too dazed and sleepless but I still have focus. Focus right there, here.

And this I just got to spill! Please kill me right about now, since its almost summer and there are long weekends and holidays, it's out of control that in some way I am going away with more people from my dad's side and his second family. This is the situation I could not avoid, I still don't know how will I react upon meeting them - just to be cool with things, let's do it already. I'm not bitter anyway, knowing I have two little siblings and my mom has a boyfriend already and met his kids. I don't expect them to be back together, hell no, it just needs to be casual. Yes my mom allows me to stay over at my dad's place but still she is somehow bitter. Stop the bitterness already cause I know you need some papers to be signed by my dad, and when you're really in need, you will come around.

Let's all be happy, shall we.

Time has a way of healing, so they say
So why am I still left here cryin'
Caught in these ways of emotion as people stare
I find there's no real place for me to hide
Well I've been trying in vain

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